Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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