My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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