omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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