1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
