My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
