I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
