Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
