At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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