Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
