I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
