i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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