Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
please come you make the beer taste better
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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