its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
