The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
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I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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