i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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