Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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