I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
