Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
