I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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