Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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