is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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