I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize