Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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