So drunk its hurt
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
