My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we should paint friendship bongs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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