Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
