My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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