I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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