he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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