I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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