It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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