they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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