i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
