I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
