is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
