Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
