weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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