Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
