He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
