It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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