Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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