Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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