ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
