I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
People with herpes should wear stickers.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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