he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
