Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
