Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The best revenge is premature balding
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
