I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
