No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I died a long time ago.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
