Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
