i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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