some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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