I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
