Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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