We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we're making bets on your personal life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
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