I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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