i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.