Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Holy sore nipples Batman
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink