I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course