I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground