:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.