your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
