that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
