saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
