Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
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I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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We were destined to go to rehab together
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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